Pregnancy musings: 18 wks

[juliet]

I wish to note, primarily for my own reference/records, that a significant chunk of the first 12 weeks of being pregnant was really pretty unpleasant. From the end of week 5 to about the end of week 11 I was nauseous basically all the time I was upright and awake, and for a good fortnight or so in the middle of that I was subsisting on plain pasta, potatoes, toast & Marmite, and Rice Krispies. Oh, and salt & pepper tofu. I didn't actually throw up all that often, but I *felt* sick all the damn time. Which is knackering and depressing in & of itself, and also I was exhausted as well as that. None of the things that are supposed to help did (just led to me going off crackers, ginger, peppermint tea, and everything else I tried; thank god potatoes didn't abandon me), except eating regularly, which didn't actually make me feel any better, just stopped me from feeling worse. One has a tendency, as time passes, to forget the full unpleasantness of unpleasant things, hence my wish to record this while I still remember it. Not. Fun. At. All.

Happily, that wore off more or less bang on time, just shy of 12 weeks, at least mostly - the strenuous reaction to anything sugary lasted until a week or so ago. (Sugar still disagrees with me, but it's back to being a mental-wellbeing type disagreement rather than a physical one.) And, in fact, at 18 weeks I am feeling pretty good. I'm back to climbing again, also cycling (never exactly stopped cycling, just stopped wanting to do anything or go anywhere at all), also going out DANCING, and though I'm still more tired than I might otherwise be, it's entirely manageable. So that's all good. I am starting to notice a shift in my centred of gravity, though; or rather, an odd feeling when I'm walking, of having *extra, slightly heavy, stuff* sticking out from my pelvis. Which, you know, there is; although it doesn't really show yet unless you know it's there. There's intermittent achiness in the general stomach area, too, I guess as things start to stretch. A couple of times I've suddenly found my ankles feeling more wobbly, but each time I've adjusted quite quickly to what I assume is to do with ligaments relaxing. (The first time, at about 13 weeks, was kind of scary, though, especially as I got v dizzy to go along with it, and was quite worn out anyway at the time.)

I started feeling the foetus move about 10 days ago. Initially it wasn't even something I'd call a sensation; just a strange internal feeling, not even of discomfort, just oddness. Then it was little fluttery bubbly sensations. Now it's progressing to something that feels more like (gentle) kicking and is more clearly an independent entity moving around inside me. I love the word "quickening".

Several other women I know who have children have commented about worrying a lot during their pregnancies. Curiously, I have found myself worrying barely at all. I mean, the odd moment of concern here and there, but nothing as dramatic as other people have described. I am a bit baffled by this. I mean, I still worry about *other* things, so it's not like I've finally reached some kind of ideal state of beatific Zen detachment. Sadly. I have three current theories about this:
1. I am in some relevant sense UNNATURAL (entirely possible; uon has been far more emotional about the whole thing thus far than I have).
2. It's hormones, and therefore will change/wear off at some point. Probably about an hour after I post this, I expect.
3. Listening to the natal hypnotherapy CD when being angelmine's birth partner had more of an effect on me than I realised at the time.
Anyway, uon informs me that he is worrying plenty for both of us, so that's OK. Perhaps he should listen to the nice soothing CD.

Finally, a list of musical experiences attended so far by Mab-the-foetus in utero:
- Glastonbury (albeit as a blastocyte, which may not count).
- Son Kite (sadly not at their best).
- Lots of hippy singing/chanting at the EAT course (by the end of which it could apparently sense sounds, at least ones made by me).
- Awesome & v select party at the end of the EAT course DJed by some of the ex-Reclaim the Streets people (old skool!).
- Stay Up Forever 20th birthday night - lovely crusty acid techno.
- V fine psytrance this weekend courtesy of Logic Bomb and some other DJ who was on after them.

Upcoming things for which I have tickets: PWEI, & Billy Bragg supported by Akela. Hurrah.

The other thing I've found interesting is that in general I'm doing better at looking after myself than I usually do. It's not exactly that I need anything much more or different in that line (largely it's just my customary physical/mental issues writ slightly larger); but what is true is that there's less slack in the system. If I push myself past feeling tired, I can't just let myself get exhausted, work through it, and then catch up in a couple of days. Instead, I'll throw up. There's more incentive to pay attention, I guess. I think this may qualify as some kind of Useful Learning Experience, because I think I'm benefitting from it.

(On which note, I should go to bed.)