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julietSlightly irritating night at Plastic People last night reminded me of the following list of Things I Would Change In Clubs If I Could:
1. No smoking on the dancefloor (hurrah! Obviously this is now TRUE & is a major improvement in terms of avoiding injury of self/clothing courtesy of idiots with no control of their fag).
2. No sloshy-type liquids on the dancefloor (bottles with tops are OK, I suppose). (I dislike dancing in a big puddle. Although succeeded fine at Glasto/Glade... I also dislike getting beer sloshed on me, especially nasty beer which it invariably is.)
3. Proper beer to be served, kthx. Also tap water.
4. Obnoxiously drunk/otherwise fvcked people to be evicted. Obnoxiousness including but not limited to: throwing up in a corner[0], cannoning into people, groping people (actually this hasn't happened to me for ages, thankfully), talking at the top of your voice in the Ladies about how much cocaine you have taken/want to take[1], generally being a bloody nuisance. (Drunkness/fvckedness is not in & of itself a problem, I hasten to add; although I have occasionally considered .)
5. Reduce capacity of ALL CLUBS EVER by about 10%. Possibly 20% in some cases.
6. If the dancefloor is pitch black (which in itself is arguably a Bad Thing), people who insist on repeatedly firing off their sodding camera flashes to be evicted with extreme prejudice.[2]
7. Ditto people who insist on keeping their ginormo-rucksack on their back whilst dancing (see also: tubes).
8. Ditto people who are incapable of making their way across the dancefloor in a polite & minimally disruptive fashion. It's not that bloody difficult. Unless you're drunk. See 4.
I am sure there were some more things. Hello, I am OLD & GRUMPY & I HATE FUN[3].
I do actually have one proper serious thing which I wish clubs would do: you know how they always confiscate yr water bottle on the way in? Thus forcing you to buy another one in there. This is kind of fair enough (you only have to buy one, after all, & then can refill, & they are there to make money). But it makes me sad for plastic-conserving reasons. So why not introduce a charge for taking yr own water bottle in? I'd happily pay a couple of quid for the privilege. Club makes money, I don't waste plastic, everyone is happy.
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marnameow & dogrando have witnessed someone doing this, & not only was he not chucked out, but they later saw him BEING SERVED MORE BEER. Shoreditch there, marvellous.
[1] Shoreditch again.
[2] Last night. Contributed directly to my leaving early due to having acquired stinking headache from aforementioned camera flashes. Also Gui Boratto was being rub.
[3] Actually I love fun. Hurrah for fun! Irritating things are not fun.
1. No smoking on the dancefloor (hurrah! Obviously this is now TRUE & is a major improvement in terms of avoiding injury of self/clothing courtesy of idiots with no control of their fag).
2. No sloshy-type liquids on the dancefloor (bottles with tops are OK, I suppose). (I dislike dancing in a big puddle. Although succeeded fine at Glasto/Glade... I also dislike getting beer sloshed on me, especially nasty beer which it invariably is.)
3. Proper beer to be served, kthx. Also tap water.
4. Obnoxiously drunk/otherwise fvcked people to be evicted. Obnoxiousness including but not limited to: throwing up in a corner[0], cannoning into people, groping people (actually this hasn't happened to me for ages, thankfully), talking at the top of your voice in the Ladies about how much cocaine you have taken/want to take[1], generally being a bloody nuisance. (Drunkness/fvckedness is not in & of itself a problem, I hasten to add; although I have occasionally considered .)
5. Reduce capacity of ALL CLUBS EVER by about 10%. Possibly 20% in some cases.
6. If the dancefloor is pitch black (which in itself is arguably a Bad Thing), people who insist on repeatedly firing off their sodding camera flashes to be evicted with extreme prejudice.[2]
7. Ditto people who insist on keeping their ginormo-rucksack on their back whilst dancing (see also: tubes).
8. Ditto people who are incapable of making their way across the dancefloor in a polite & minimally disruptive fashion. It's not that bloody difficult. Unless you're drunk. See 4.
I am sure there were some more things. Hello, I am OLD & GRUMPY & I HATE FUN[3].
I do actually have one proper serious thing which I wish clubs would do: you know how they always confiscate yr water bottle on the way in? Thus forcing you to buy another one in there. This is kind of fair enough (you only have to buy one, after all, & then can refill, & they are there to make money). But it makes me sad for plastic-conserving reasons. So why not introduce a charge for taking yr own water bottle in? I'd happily pay a couple of quid for the privilege. Club makes money, I don't waste plastic, everyone is happy.
[0]
marnameow & dogrando have witnessed someone doing this, & not only was he not chucked out, but they later saw him BEING SERVED MORE BEER. Shoreditch there, marvellous.[1] Shoreditch again.
[2] Last night. Contributed directly to my leaving early due to having acquired stinking headache from aforementioned camera flashes. Also Gui Boratto was being rub.
[3] Actually I love fun. Hurrah for fun! Irritating things are not fun.
