This and that

[juliet]

It turns out that the desktop + laptop + standard sets of software on the Debian installer are - quite large, actually. So, I have to reinstall the eeeeeepc for about the 4 millionth time this month[0], and it really needs to be kicked off tonight (for a different-article-related reason), and by god it's taking enough time. So here I sit, noodling on the interwebs instead of doing something useful such as writing my diary, or putting the sheets back on the bed, both of which need to occur prior to bedtime. Especially the latter.

The beer I carefully left in the fridge yesterday for just this purpose has done its job of bringing me down from my customary post-drama-class MASSIVE HIGH. It was a good evening - the little scene Manoj & I had to work up came out really well (plus the iterative process of generating it was in itself fun), and we did a character exercise which I accidentally made significantly harder for myself when my brain lept onto an already existing character that I'd been thinking about all afternoon. Also I then had to be her IN ACTUAL PUBLIC for 10 seconds, which was a bit alarming.

Anyway! I shall go be useful.

I leave you with a query borne of thinking about social interactions & some of my own beliefs about them and myself in connection with them. If someone makes a social offer to you - says "You should come over for coffee sometime", for example - is your first assumption that this is 100% genuine, or is it "they're probably just being polite"? Would you contact them saying "How about that coffee, then?", or wait for them to make a more concrete offer? Why/why not/etc?


[0] The perils of writing an article on netbook distros.

Comments

[jeshyr]

I assume genuineness, and will often contact people based on this. Which, err, has been known to lead to awkwardness.

I also take "I'll call you!" and "I'll get in touch about that" at face value, which often leads to disappointment when they totally fail to do so. OTOH if I say all of those things, I do mean them. Which also has been known to lead to SOCIAL FAIL when I do it, because the other person assumed I was being just polite.

I totally fail to understand the reason behind people saying they'll do stuff they have no intention to do. It seems to me a completely different class of social-lubrication-lie than "That dress looks great" when it doesn't. That latter type doesn't create expectations of action, where the type you mentioned does.

I keep doing these things even though I know people mostly mean them as social lubrication because I don't want to be like that. I don't want to assume the worst or intend the worst. I do want to catch up, phone you, hear from you, and have you drop around ... but then, I'm known to be weird eccentric.

Hugs
r

[jeshyr]

BTW, love to hear your own answers to those questions.

[juliet]

(I posted much the same thing over on LJ as well - you may be interested to read the comments there.)

I'm not sure that people *mostly* mean them as social lubrication - I tend to think that it's more that people are busy and disorganised and don't always follow up on stuff they want to happen. (Something which I kn ow I am also guilty of, though I keep trying to be better.)

My tendency is to default to assuming "just being polite", although I've been thinking about it & I think maybe I'd like to shake that a little.

Part of the problem is that I worry about being shown up as not understanding the social cues that EVERYONE ELSE knows. I spent a lot of early adolescence just *not understanding* what was going on, and suffering for it, and I vividly remember the horrible feeling of having somehow screwed up again & *still* not understanding. And teenage girls aren't particularly nice about such things. I am aware that I'm not a socially inept teenager any more, that I am mostly good at social cues (certainly no worse than average, possibly a bit better), and that grownups aren't bitchy when you *do* screw up. But I still get the fear.

And the other part is the conviction that they are just very unlikely actually to want to hang out with me, & if they do want to *now* then they sure as hell won't if they actually try it!

Those are both exaggerations of the position, but they're basically the issues for me, I think.

In terms of what other ppl mean: I suspect that a lot of such invitations are issued fairly casually, and people don't necessarily *expect* them to be followed up, but they'd be quite happy (if surprised!) if they were. So, hm, maybe I should start conducting experiments :)

(Curiously, I am much happier to accept at face value email invites. Poss b/c I figure they've had a chance to think about it!)