computers, acting, and people

[juliet]

It turns out that the desktop + laptop + standard sets of software on the Debian installer are - quite large, actually. So, I have to reinstall the eeeeeepc for about the 4 millionth time this month[0], and it really needs to be kicked off tonight (for a different-article-related reason), and by god it's taking enough time. So here I sit, noodling on the interwebs instead of doing something useful such as writing my diary, or putting the sheets back on the bed, both of which need to occur prior to bedtime. Especially the latter.

The beer I carefully left in the fridge yesterday for just this purpose has done its job of bringing me down from my customary post-drama-class MASSIVE HIGH. It was a good evening - the little scene Manoj & I had to work up came out really well (plus the iterative process of generating it was in itself fun), and we did a character exercise which I accidentally made significantly harder for myself when my brain lept onto an already existing character that I'd been thinking about all afternoon. Also I then had to be her IN ACTUAL PUBLIC for 10 seconds, which was a bit alarming.

Other things I have been up to: yesterday, building stuff for the BiNSW float for Mardi Gras! Not only did I get to talk to nice people, I also got to hammer nails into things, measure things & apply a carpenter's square, and use the word 'bradawl' which is one of my favourite words in the world. (Sadly an actual bradawl was not present, so we used a metal punch instead, and I thought of my own bradawl, in the toolbox in Marden Square.) I also lusted after a powertool which makes grooves in things for the purpose of rebating other things into them, as one otherwise would do using a saw and a chisel and several hours.

One day I will have a proper garage, and a lot more power tools and carpentry tools generally.

Anyway! I shall go be useful.

I leave you with a query borne of thinking about social interactions & some of my own beliefs about them and myself in connection with them. If someone makes a social offer to you - says "You should come over for coffee sometime", for example - is your first assumption that this is 100% genuine, or is it "they're probably just being polite"? Would you contact them saying "How about that coffee, then?", or wait for them to make a more concrete offer? Why/why not/etc?


[0] The perils of writing an article on netbook distros.

Comments

[webcowgirl.livejournal.com]

I think it's genuine, but a bit of dangling a worm and seeing if you bite, not really committed. On the other hand, usually when you're saying goodbye it's not a time to set up your next time to see each other. Coffee could be 2-3 months in the future.

[juliet]

This is true.

[shadowdaddy.livejournal.com]

re: "you should..."

There's a lot of context that needs to be taken in, as ever. Some people say "you should..." and mean "I'd like it [if you came over for coffee, if you emailed more often, if you'd piss right off, whatever]" And the tone/timing of the statement can say a lot. In the middle of a longer conversation it can mean one thing; at the end of a chance meeting on the street it's likely to mean quite another.

And *then* there's also the context of how well you know the person, how you feel about them and [having coffee], and so on. It interprets differently through the filter of a close work mate than through that of an ex, or of someone you just met and don't know too well.

[juliet]

I guess the question is whether it really is an "I'd like it if..." or just a social noise.

In terms of how you *choose* to take it, absolutely your own attitude affects matters.

[friend-of-tofu.livejournal.com]

I would fully intend to follow up with them and arrange for the suggested thing to happen, but might well not get round to it on account of being disorganised.

Even if I wasn't convinced that the offer was genuine I would treat it as if it was, cos I think people should say what they mean and mean what they say. So, if I make a social overture to someone, I do mean it. Unless I give the impression of flirting, in which case I probably don't mean to be doing anything of the sort.

[juliet]

Even if I wasn't convinced that the offer was genuine I would treat it as if it was, cos I think people should say what they mean and mean what they say.

That is an attitude I try to take in partner-type relationships, so, hmm, that's a good point. Because at least then if they didn't mean it you can console yourself that maybe they will think twice about it next time!

I'm trying to work out now if I have ever been guilty of doing the not-really-meant offer. I don't *think* so, at least not recently. I have occasionally agreed politely & vaguely with a vague offer I don't intend to chase up & wouldn't want the other person to, but these days I think I try to avoid replying in such circs. (I'm thinking of school-reunion-type things, I guess, here.)

[damerell.livejournal.com]

I'd grasp the nettle and ask them sometime. Assuming I actually wanted to have coffee (or "coffee") with them.

[juliet]

Actually, I think "coffee" might be easier to follow up on (if interest has been to some extent expressed on both sides) - the social script is clearer!

[htfb.livejournal.com]

I'm told that there are differences around the world: that American politeness suggests coffee or lunch a lot, but that this is rather like an Early Day Motion.

[juliet]

Hmm, curious. I do not know what Aussie standards are, then. (Hell, as per this post, I don't even reliably know what UK standards are, although I can recognise certain circs - school reunions etc spring to mind - where such offers are unlikely to be the genuine article.) Given the national rep for bluntness, possibly leaning more towards "genuine".

[half-of-monty.livejournal.com]

I would also love to know the answer. I will keep watching for responses.

Also, at what point in an acquaintanceship do you swap phone numbers? I always seem to miss it.

[juliet]

Argh I have no idea. I think for me usually "when there is a proper legit reason", eg meeting up, or they're organising something, or something like that.

(This is why LJ is good for social things! Because giving someone your LJ name is much more casual. Of course, this only works for ppl who are on LJ.)

[mrs-leroy-brown.livejournal.com]

oooh excellent news re: acting class! :D

Coffee: I'd take them up on it, personally, since I'd only ever say it if I really wanted their company. And clearly they want your company because you're wick.

[mrs-leroy-brown.livejournal.com]

and further to this, if I knew I'd be seeing the person rather soon, I'd leave them to invite me but if not, I'd email.

[juliet]

Why thank you :)

[ladyjulian.livejournal.com]

I tend to assume people mean it, since when I suggest coffee I mean it.

This has led to confusion in the past!

[juliet]

See above to friend_of_tofu: you are doing the Right Thing to encourage Correctness in the universe, though!

[uon.livejournal.com]

If someone said I should come over for coffee some time, I would assume they're just being polite, since some people just do that. If I said someone should come for coffee, I'd be surprised but pleased if they accepted and moved to the when-is-good-for-you? stage.

[juliet]

To be fair, even if the person got out their diary right there and then, you would prob assume they were just being polite, because you are Like That. :-) You still sound surprised occasionally when *I* ask you over for tea, & enquire if I'm sure, after all...) (NB which is fine, it's all part of your unique charm, darling ;-) )

I would like people to Say What They Mean - I just worry that a) they don't, and that b) everyone else in the universe magically knows all about such things and it is only me who might get it wrong.

[uon.livejournal.com]

I would also like people to Say What They Mean, and I do (or at least try to); the fact that I assume people don't is because.. ..sometimes they don't.

I think it would be really quite off to offer someone coffee and be offended or funny about it if they tried to take up the offer, though.

[juliet]

It is true that sometimes they don't; but sometimes they do. I am erring towards the opinion that assuming the best case is maybe a better way to go through life. Partly on the basis of your second point.